I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
