is your mom at the bar?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He? As in you personified your dick?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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