Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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