I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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