turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize