Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
