its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
