Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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