I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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