my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
