I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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