So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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