I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
