I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
