I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
