What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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