If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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