you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
