Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
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I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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