Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize