she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
