how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
