I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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