All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
