I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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