It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
