my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize