You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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