I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
