Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
