I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
