you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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