i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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