Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
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She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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