I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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