i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
