your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
