Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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