the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
