Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
