Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
