I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
honey bunches of taint.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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