We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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