I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
