Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
