So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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