I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
