Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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