Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's always time for handjobs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
