please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
