i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
