So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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