Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
