Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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