I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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