no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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