I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
