It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
