im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
