She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
