If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
