you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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