is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize