Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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