Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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