I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
